Simply Be.

Welcome back to the last segment of Diabetes Blog Week. I made it an entire week with only a slight slip in commitment. I'm actually proud of myself. I'm turning over a new leaf.

Today: Day 7. Topic: Dream a little dream - life after a cure.

'To wrap up Diabetes Blog Week, let’s pretend a cure has been found. We are all given a tiny little pill to swallow and *poof* our pancreases are back in working order. No side effects. No more insulin resistance. No more diabetes. Tell us what your life is now like. Or take us through your first day celebrating life without the Big D. Blog about how you imagine you would feel if you no longer were a Person With Diabetes.'

Wow. If I were no longer a PWD...... This concept is so hard for me to imagine but something that I never lose hope for. Freedom. If I woke up without Diabetes, that's the first thing I would do....mimic William Wallace. I would fall to my knees and scream in my loudest voice:



And then I would cry. I would weep. I would break down. I would cry all the tears I have never released. Tears for the pain, the failures, the anger, the lost moments, the abuse my body endeared, the fear, the hopelessness, the being a victim, the poor me's, the why God's, the worry & stress of my family & friends, the annoyance, the feeling alone, the money I've spent, the unhappiness, the trouble, the everything that this disease has caused me to feel. I would let it all out....and then let it go.

I would pour myself a bowl of Cocoa Puffs and enjoy unemployment because I would be ok. Without Diabetes, I would be ok not having a job. I could do something that I wanted to do. Freelance write. Work in a vintage bookshop. Sell tulips at Pikes Place Market. Anything. Everything. The world would be my non-chronic diseased oyster.
















I just asked Amanda what she would do if I woke up tomorrow and didn't have Diabetes. She said 'I would throw you the sickest party ever! There would be tons of Retro Bakery cakes, Cold Stone Ice Cream and everything else you shouldn't eat. Then we'd go swimming and go in the jacuzzi because you wouldn't have to wear your pump.'

Haha! That sounds like a fabu party. :)














If I woke up without Diabetes, I would breathe and simply be.

100% happy.

*Peace.

Photo Blog.

Welcome back to Diabetes Blog Week.

Today: Day 6. Topic: Diabetes snapshots.

I've got some D related pictures on tap for you today. It's like a little photo album of my escapades...that you aren't really interested in but will look anyway...just to be nice. Kind of like your co-workers vacation pictures.

For those of you that have seen these pictures on the Diabetes 365 Project, sorry. Think of it as looking at your co-workers vacation pictures...again. :)














Filling up Romney's syringe.















Doc B's white board drawings.















Test strip art.















This was free just for being a Diabetic!















I have a lot of junk in my trunk.















Don't test and drive.















Bad bs day.















No wonder my purse is so heavy.















I can't believe it's not butta.















Time to change the Romney.


*Peace.

Round is a Shape.

Welcome back to Diabetes Blog Week. I totally missed Friday. See? I told you....non-committal.

Yesterday: Day 5. Topic: Let's get moving.

This is the exact reason why I missed yesterday. I am moving. Literally. I have been packing 18 years of Vegas and 7 year of my house. Moving has made me realize I'm a closet hoarder. No, really, my house looks cute, clean & comfy...as long as you don't open the closets.

So, yesterday's challenge was all about exercise. Love it? Hate it? Work out regularly? How do you keep your BS from dropping during workouts?

Bottom line...I hate working out. Loathe. Despise. Abhor. I always look at those people who claim to love working out. Claim it makes them feel better. Claim they can't wait to get to the gym. I don't get those people. I obviously don't have that genetic makeup. I'm obviously missing something. I am SO the opposite of those people. I anti-love the gym. Working out makes me feel like shit. I could wait a lifetime to get to the gym.



















I went to the gym 3-4 times a week for a year. I didn't lose weight. I looked & felt exactly the same. I even hired a trainer. You know what going to the gym did for me? It screwed up my knee so now I have constant knee problems. Yea...I was too elliptical for my own good. Worked the outer part of my thighs more than the inner. (ahh...such is my life...) Thus forcing my kneecaps to move. Months of physical therapy didn't help the problem either. Thanks, gym. Thanks, trainer. Working out also made my sugar drop at least 2 out of the 4 times a week. I ate more &/or reduced insuelawn jsut to torture myself with no results. AND it took time away from my daughter, took time away from my life. No, thank you.

I tried jogging with my daughter. I actually enjoyed it for the first few weeks, until my knees gave out. I tried yoga and was bored out of my mind. I bought my daughter & I bikes. I really enjoy bike riding....for the whole month I can ride the bike. Riding bikes isn't fun when it's 120 degrees outside. I tried roller blades. Incoordination fail. I bought a trampoline & hand weights. I use these when the mood strikes me. I bought a recumbent bicycle. It sits in my garage. I bought Wii Fit and play Super Mario Brothers instead. I have more workout DVD's than any one person should ever have. I tried Jillian's 30 Day Shred only to have my thighs turn into tree trunks & gain weight. Yea, yea...'Muscle weighs more than fat.' I don't like hearing that crap.











Have I proved my point yet? Hate working out. You know what I like? Being active outside. Playing softball. Walking the dog, if I had one. Playing frisbee. Hiking. BUT, I live in hell and you have very limited time to do these things.

Maybe that will all change once I move to Washington. Maybe I'll buy a kayak. Or maybe I'll just go back to bed.













*Peace.

Carb-oh-licious!

Welcome back to Diabetes Blog Week. It's Thursday! Thirsty Thursday, Thoughtful Thursday, Thumbs Up Thursday, Thug Life Thursday. Whatever you call it, enjoy it.

(Did you know that if I look at the word Thursday for too long, it starts to look crazy. Like if I say crayon a lot, it starts to sound weird. Anywaaaaay...moving on.)

Today: Day 4. The topic: To carb or not to carb.

That is the question, isn't it? Today's topic is blog about what we eat, what we don't eat, what we deem bolus worthy, what we snack on and any food wisdom we might have. In other words, what makes me a fatty.

To carb! There, I said it.



















I have tried lo-carb, no-carb and that doesn't work for me. First of all, my self is more apt to run low in the blood sugar world. Even though I lower my insulin & bolus less, the risk is too high for me. Second of all, carbs make people happy!! Who doesn't want to be happy? Not me. Bring on the french bread!!

Everything in moderation though. I don't sit down and eat a bagel & schmear, 3 pieces of pizza, mac & cheese, a baked potato, chips, spaghetti, dinner rolls and chocolate cake for dessert. No. Although my arse certainly looks like I do, I don't. But, I do have a bagel once in a while. Yes, I do eat spaghetti & garlic bread once in a while. Yes, I do eat a cupcake once in a while.



















I'm sure I have a very controversial opinion on the subject. I have Diabetes. Diabetes doesn't have me. This disease is going to kill me even if I do everything right, every hour of every day. This disease is going to reek havoc on my body no matter how perfectly I follow and play by the rules. This disease may ultimately be the end of me one day but I refuse to allow it to dictate how I live my life. So, why not enjoy? Why deny myself the occasional culinary delight that embodies everything taboo? I don't. I live life to the fullest & I eat what I want. Diabetes be damned.

However, this doesn't mean I go rogue with my care, my life & what I put into my body. I most certainly give Diabetes the respect it demands. I eat healthy portions of veggies, fruits, cheeses and yogurt. I don't eat red meat, I prefer fish, eggs, beans, sometimes chicken or turkey. I rarely eat fast food or anything fried. BUT, I eat carbs and, ya know what? My A1C still runs between 6 & 6.2. My health is the best it's ever been. I feel better than I have felt most of my life and there's got to be something said for that.

Eating healthy & smart most definitely includes carbs. Carbs are not the enemy. We are. Carbs fuel the body and the brain. They invoke a feeling of comfort & happiness. However,they can also make you a fatty & raise your blood sugar so be smart about eating carbs.

That's it really. That's the key. We all know what we should be eating and what we shouldn't be eating. How much we should be eating how much we shouldn't be eating. Just be smart about your food choices. Even if you aren't a Diabetic.

BE smart.



















*Peace.

You Are The Champions, My Friends.

Welcome back to Diabetes Blog Week. It's Happy Hump Day, folks. You're 1/2 way through the week, my employed readers, stay strong!

Today: Day 3. The topic: Your Biggest Supporter.

No, it's not my bra.

Wow. This topic is a hard one for me. So often I feel completely alone with my disease. This is not said in a 'poor me' fashion, so please don't misunderstand. This is said in a 'if you don't have it, you don't know about it' fashion. I have been a Diabetic for 25 long years. Many of the people in my life do not know much, if anything, about my disease. It's not their fault and I certainly don't blame them, it's just as I said. They don't have Diabetes.

This doesn't mean that they don't support me. I know they do. My best friends daughter has Cystic Fibrosis. I know very little about CF but I support my girl through anything, anyplace, anytime, always.

In the end, I think I have a plethora of supporters. I am so very thankful to be surrounded by wonderful people. I truly am blessed. But for this short & sweet post, I will shine the spotlight on a very precious few.

#1. Amanda. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, this child is my biggest supporter. Amanda probably knows me & my disease better than anyone. She started saving my life at a very young age. I have no doubt that I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for her. She knows when my sugar is dropping, sometimes before I do. Once I asked her how she can tell and she said she can see my eyes change. Whoa.

Amanda is a super sweet, kind & timid young lady. A girly girl. She's nice and cares about everyone. BUT she can turn into one hellfire vixen if I need help. Anyone not assisting or is getting in her way had better watch out. She doesn't play.

Amanda is amazing. She hears me moan in the middle of the night & is up to take care of me. Whether she is testing my blood sugar, making me a pb&j or calling 911, she is on task. Then, she will wake up the next morning with a smile on her face & carries on making the world a better place. I know she worries. I know she gets scared. I know I have hurt her. I know this is hard for her. But she is my biggest fan, loves me more than anyone and will continue to support me in every way for all eternity. I always say that the Universe gave me the perfect child for me. Thank you, Amanda, simply for being you.















#2. Bill. I met Bill in 2000. We didn't instantly become friends because I was a snot but he eventually won me over. When Bill found out that I was a Diabetic, he told me that his mom was, too, and a different kind of bond was created. Bill introduced me to his parents, Stan & Rissa, who also became people I could count on. Rissa was the very first person I met who was a Diabetic. This, for me, was huge. She was the first person who I knew understood.

Bill has also saved my life on several occasions. He has taken life threats from me, weepy, sad pathetic tears from me, bum fighting from me, 6 car pile ups from me and 'I don't know where I am' phone calls from me. The best thing about Bill is that when I return to the living, we sit and laugh about the episode that just happened. Thank you, Bill, for being the humor in my disease.















#3. Shesh. Diabetes made Sheshie & I friends, I won't lie. We had met previously once or twice but never really connected. When she found out she had Diabetes, she contacted me and we have been inseparable. I was even a bridesmaid in her wedding last month. Awww!

Shesh & I have the same Endo and Doctor. She is the only friend I have that truly knows and understands what I go through every day. What I have gone through every day for the past 25 years. She gets it. She understands. To have a best friend that 100% gets this awful part of you is an amazing feeling. Priceless.

We call ourselves the T1Ts. The Type 1 Twins. We talk sugar, carbs, insuelawn, pods, feeling bad, feeling good, feeling like fattys. Our friendship is so special for many reasons other than Diabetes but we love to say 'a chronic disease made us friends'. For all the bad this disease has brought & will probably bring, our bond is something wonderful Diabetes created and can never take away. Although I definitely would have preferred her not getting a chronic disease. Psh! Thank you, Shesh, for getting part of me that not everyone gets and still loving me.















#4. The Diabetes Community. I have blogged about them before and how I love them. My Sick of Pricks. You can read D-Blog Day if you haven't already or forgot. I only wish I had this kind of support from the very beginning. When I was laying in a hospital bed, choking down Diet 7-UP, wondering what the hell just happened to my life and how everything went so drastically wrong. But, better late than never. Thank you, DOC, for being the amazing sweet treats that you truly are.









So, in typical Vegas style....because I won't be able to use it much longer....

Thank you, thank you very much.

*Peace.

How Low Can You Go?

Welcome back to Diabetes Blog Week. Here is my happy Tuesday installment.

Today: Day 2. The topic: Making the low go.

Today's episode asks for my favorite way to treat a low. Lows are super scary to me. Probably the part of my disease that scares me the most. Why? Two words. Diabetic Coma. You've probably heard me say before that I am afraid I'll be alone, my sugar will drop, I won't be able to help myself, slip into a Diabetic Coma and be eaten by wild dogs. Yea...it's like that in my mind.

Anything can happen when my sugar gets low and I never know what that will be. I get shaky & sweaty. I can't formulate a coherent though. I can't think. I talk in half sentences and forget what I was saying. I get irate and lash out. I say things I don't mean, & would never say under normal conditions, because I'm so pissed that I can't control my body. I get silly & pretend I'm Superman. My brain literally stops working. I get overwhelmed & cry. Sometimes I am speechless when I cry because I think I am dying & just want someone to save me. I lose coordination & sometimes can't walk. I think wildly & desperately which makes me do crazy things like drive. I get dizzy. I become unaware. I pass out & won't wake up. I mean, the results run amuck.

Low blood sugar happens quickly and needs to be treated just as quickly. I have tubes of glucose tablets everywhere imaginable simply because I never know when my sugar will drop. Never. For a quick and easy fix, I pop a couple of these babies into my mouth.









Sour apple is my fav. The tropical fruit is my 2nd fav. These are easy to eat while I'm driving, busy, working, hiking, bike riding, at an appointment, anywhere, really. Sometimes I look forward to having a bit of a low just so I can eat one. Nom nom.

My 2nd treatment of choice are also quick & easy. M&M's. I usually just have these around my house. I have a bowl on my computer desk and one in the kitchen. Even though they are like little creepy people, they are still mmmm.













About 240 million people have Diabetes worldwide. While we all have the same diagnosis, the disease is different for each of us. How I treat my low may not work for another Diabetic. Chocolate works super quick for me but I know it doesn't work for others. Diabetes is as individual as the person who has it. The most popular treatment for lows in the D world is juice. When I was diagnosed in the 80's, all anyone ever threw at me was orange juice. I can't stand orange juice. To me, it's like medicine. In fact, I won't touch any kind of juice. I don't like it.

So, there you go. Sour Apple Glucose Tablets & M&M's. But, don't think I won't have a chocolate shake, a cookie, an ice cream, a cupcake, a Hershey bar, a Twix or any other sugary delight in a pinch. :)



















*Peace.

Atypical Day.

Karen over at Bitter Sweet created a Diabetes Blog Week. I'm a week late finding about this awesome event, but, hey...better late than never. Right? Diabetes Blog Week runs from May 10-16 so I'm still within the time frame. Yay! Karen listed 7 days worth of topics, too, for which I am grateful. My current life mess has stunted my blogging creativity. I love not having to think about topics for a week. So, thanks, Karen! I needed this.

Today: Day 1. The topic: A day in the life . . . with diabetes.

I'd love to say my life was extraordinarily different than someone without a chronic disease. But I can't. When someone asks me about how my life is with Diabetes, I simply say 'It's the norm for me. I don't know & can't remember anything different. Shooting up is second nature to me. Just like brushing your teeth is second nature to you. The only difference is I have extra steps to take in order to survive.'

A day in my life is just like anyone else's....plus some.

I spend 24 hours, yes, all 24, jumping at every beep. Craning my neck in the direction of my pump to see if it's me. An elevator. A computer. A phone. A cash register. A song. I must ask Amanda 25 times a day if the beeping is me. 24 times out of 25 it isn't.

I spend 15 hours a day pricking my fingers. Every time I want to eat. Drink. Exercise. Or if I'm just not feeling right. I have no feeling left in my calloused fingertips. I have permanent dots on my fingerprints. I have black speckles on every fingertip. Sometimes I can't get a drop of blood & have to poke several times. Sometimes I don't get enough blood & ruin a test strip. Sometimes I bleed just fine.

I spend every 3rd day being alerted by a loud, obnoxious beep that my pod is going to expire or my reservoir is low. Yep. This beep is me and it's lovely. Especially at 2am or when I'm in the library or when I'm in a meeting or when I'm in the post office or when I'm on a first date.

I spend every 3 days inflicting pain on myself, outside of the finger pricks. (Yes, the finger pricks hurt. Don't kid yourself that I should be used to it. You never get used to it.) I have to have a site change every 3 days and that hurts, too. Some days worse than others. I also, on occasion, inflict pain on myself every 7 days. That's if my Dexcom lasts for the 7 days that it should. Each time I have to find a new place on my body. A place that isn't bruised, hasn't been recently injected, that has enough body fat so it won't hurt as badly and won't be in the way of sleeping, dressing, walking....yes. I've ripped my pump off my arm because I've walked to close to a wall.

I spend several moments every day worrying about my future. Will I need an amputation? Will I need dialysis? Will I ever know my grandchildren? Will I lose my eyesight? Will I have a heart attack? Will I live to be old enough to retire? Will I be alone & have my sugar to drop only to be comatose? Will I be able to take care of myself when I'm older? Will I be able to afford to take care of myself? Will I ever be cured? Will I be responsible for passing this on to my future generations? Will anyone ever understand?

I spend one day every 3 months getting blood work done. Not eating anything even though my medicine and my disease dictates that I eat to cover the insulin. However, I must fast in order to get said blood work. Isn't it ironic? Don't ya think?

I spend one day every 3 months sitting for hours in my Endocrinologists office so I can hear the number of my A1C. The number that, for whatever reason, makes me accuse myself of being a bad diabetic, be proud of myself for being a good diabetic, cry happy tears, angrily berate myself, wonder what I did wrong, wonder what I did right, forcibly claim to beat my score as if I'm in competition with myself, my body. On this day I also hear whether or not my body is winning the war against my immune system. My vessel obviously doesn't understand my 'Make Love, Not War' motto.

I count carbs at every meal, snack and drink. At a restaurant with friends, I'm always the last to start eating. At dinner with Amanda, I'll sit down with her, take a bite, realize I forgot to test & bolus, get up from the table and return a few minutes later. She's already begun to eat. Why should she wait? Why should anyone wait? I'm used to cold food anyway.

I spend every day trying to keep my blood sugars in the normal range. Taking more insulin if I'm high. Sometimes shooting up Symlin, which makes me nauseous but lowers my blood sugar. I also drink tons of water and try to exercise if I'm high. I shove too much food into my mouth if I'm low. I always over correct. Always. My body knows I need food & so it over compensates no matter how badly I try to stop myself. Diabetes is almost like an eating disorder at times. Being low scares the crap out of me because I lose all control. My mind just won't work. Some days, no matter how hard I try or how good I am, I just can't get those sugars right. I also wonder why it doesn't take long for my sugar to skyrocket but it takes FOREVER for it to return to normal. Effing Diabetes.

A spend every day exhausted. I do. On some level I am always tired. I guess that's what sustaining my life does to me. It tires me out. Someone without a chronic disease doesn't have to think about making themselves live 24 hours a day. Some days I wish it would just go away. Some days I wish it were easy. Some days I want someone to take care of me. Some days I just don't care.

Lately, my days have been filled with anxiety, stress, depressions, sadness, worry, panic because I was laid off. I don't have the luxury of sitting around, eating BonBons, watching Opera & collecting my funemployment check. No. I have to get a job. A job that I probably wouldn't choose to take but do because it has benefits and pays well. I don't have the luxury of doing what I want or doing what makes me happy. Being a writer doesn't come with a 5 figure salary & benefits. It's expensive to be a Diabetic. I don't know how I will be one without a good paying job with super medical benefits.

So, a day in my life is just like someone without a chronic disease. I'm a mother, a friend, a daughter, a granddaughter, a neighbor, a cousin, a niece. I try to cheer people up, make someone smile, urge them to laugh, hug them if they are sad, have cawfee chats, serious talks, giggle fests. I'm a teacher, a gardener, a maid, a launderer, a cook, a husband, a wife, a chauffeur, an accountant, a money maker. I am everything everyone else is....daily.

Plus some.

*Peace.