Sunday, June 21, 2009

Food Police

Written March 23, 2009

I’ve been a Diabetic for a long time. Umm..more than ½ of my life. So, for over ½ of my life I have heard some pretty outrageous things once a person finds out that I have Diabetes. By outrageous, I mean stupid. I’m sure this happens to every Diabetic. I’m also sure this happens out of ignorance…SO sure it happens out of ignorance. Haha! Which is the main reason for my bloggity blog…enlightenment. :)

Anyway, here are a few of my fav:

You must have done something wrong.
~This is always said after I’ve had a low blood sugar episode. Yes. I did something wrong because I LOVE low bs episodes. Yaaaayyy…….douche.

Your sugar is low! Do you need insulin?
~Sure. If you’d like to kill me.

You got it from eating too much sugar.
~ No, Dr. Idiot. I got it from having jacked up antibodies.

You’re not fat. How can you have Diabetes.
~Hmm…Gee…I don’t know. You're fat and don't have it. How confusing....

Is it contagious?
~My high school boyfriend thought this. The answer is no…as I lick your face.

Your daughter will probably get it.
~No. My daughter won't get it. Thanks for your heartfelt concern.

You must be really bad off.
~This was said after I got my pump. Because shooting myself up several times a day wasn’t considered ‘bad off’…I guess.

You’ll probably lose your feet.
~At least I will still have my brain..unlike some.

What is that?!
~Pointing rudely to my pump with a one lip snarl.

Wow. You must be rich.
~After explaining to the Billy Idol wanna be that it was an insulin pump and no. I’m not rich. Yet.

Does it hurt?
~ No! It feels great to inject my skin numerous times a day. Woooo! Thanks!

Then…my absolute favorite:

You’re not supposed to eat that or should you be eating that?!
~Who the hell nominated you as Food Police?

Before I even touch on Food Police, let me set the record straight.

~Diabetics can do everything 100% correctly and still experience low blood sugar. That’s just
our life. We’re going to die, too, just like everyone else. Low BS can be screwed up by several things…other than skipping meals. Stress is a big one for me. All the other reasons can be found under my ‘Hello, Sweets’ post.

~Insulin lowers bs. Something super sweet is needed for low bs…not insulin.
~Sugar does not cause Diabetes. Getting the shit end of the gene pool stick does.
~Type 2 Diabetes can be caused by poor diet and lack of exercise. Type 2 is very different from Type 1. Yet Type 2 gets all the attention. Psh. Please don’t confuse the two. It makes Type 1’s angry….which could give us low bs.
~No. It is not contagious.
~No. My daughter is not going to get it. She gets tested every year just in case. Keep your negative thoughts in your own world.
~I am not ‘bad off’ because I got the pump. It’s just another easier, better, more advanced way of sustaining and improving my life.
~I won’t lose my feet if I take care of myself and keep good control.
~I am not rich because I have an insulin pump. I have insurance. Duh.
~Yes. Everything I have to do to myself hurts. Whether it’s giving myself an injection, pricking my finger to test my sugar, inserting the device for my pump, inserting my CGM, getting blood work…all of it. It hurts. I promise.
~Food Police!! Now hear this!!! I know what I can eat and how much. Thank you.

Food Police are everywhere. They have a tendency to pop up even when you think you are safe. I usually politely smile, ignore them, say ‘uhuh’, try to educate them or gently remind them that I am well aware of what I am allowed to eat. They think they are helping me. That’s sweet but what they are really doing is DRIVING ME INSANE!! I want to slap the next person who says to me ‘You can’t eat that! You’re a Diabetic!’ I want to gasp, feign surprise and say ‘I AM!?!?!? I’M A DIABETIC?!?!?!’.....and then slap them. Psh.

A Diabetic can eat anything. Anything we want. We can. I promise. As long as our calorie and carb intake are managed well and our Diabetes is under control, we can have that cookie. We can have a piece of birthday cake. We can have a glass of wine. We can. I promise again.

I understand that you have ‘my best intentions’ at heart but please…stick a donut in your pie hole…before I eat it. Most Diabetics aren’t on a one way mission to destroy themselves….or lose their feet.

I wonder if the Food Police know that every time one of them starts ‘helping’ me….I hear ‘Dream Police’ playing in my head….except…its ‘Food Police’. I wonder if they know they have a theme song. It’s just like how I hear the “Bionic Man’ song playing in my head every time I walk. That's my theme song. The theme song is the only fun thing about Food Police. Oh, and the fact that I can bitch about them after they I stick another cookie in my mouth. :D


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