Sunday, June 21, 2009

Emotional Rollercoaster

Written April 15, 2009

Wow. Yesterday was definitely a diabetic rollercoaster ride for me. I was having a pretty decent day for a Tuesday. Not bad, not good, just decent. Then a recieved an email from Manny at
Tudiabetes. I don't know Manny personally but I love his website. I loved his email even more. It brought tears to my eyes and hope to my heart.

Stem Cell Transplants Help Type 1 Diabetics

Hope. I remain hopeful through everything thrown my way regarding diabetes. I always have. I am one of those people who knows this disease will not win. This disease will not beat me. Realistically, I know my odds but they will never alter my hope. However, this hope was more powerful. This hope was more real. This hope brought me to the top of that rollercoaster hill. High, thrilled and excited.

Well, we all know that once you hit the top, there is only one way to go. Down.

Unlike the California Screaming rollercoaster, which is fabulous, this ride was not. Although, it did make my stomach flip. I was walking by a co-workers office and she had the tv on. This was the story that captured my attention. I stood in the hallway and watched...with a different kind of tears coming to my eyes.

The M.D.'s closing line in this segment was 'The message from the study is that diabetics should really control their blood sugar. It shouldn't be too high or too low.'

No shit, Sherlock. Like we don't try to accomplish that sometimes impossible feat every moment of every day! Way to soften the blow. Douche.

Lately, I have been having a really difficult time remembering things. I chalk it up to simply being too busy, to being 40, to using way too many drugs in my past. Never did I chalk it up to my hippocampus. Never did I chalk it up to dementia! On one hand, it's a good excuse when I don't remember to do something. I can just say I'm demented. On the other hand, it scares the hell out of me and my already precarious future.

I want to go back to the top of the hill, please. Or at least give me a freaking loop.


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