Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Daily 'D' Disclosures #11-17

November 12, 2011: Every wish I ever get; birthday, 11:11, dandelions, is for a cure. Not money. Not love. Not stuff. A cure. Just a cure. Diabetes stole my wishes...and my daughter's wishes, too.

I'm not sure if wishes ever come true but I certainly don't want to take my chances. Whenever a wish presents itself, I use the same standard one. It breaks my heart when Amanda tells me that she used her wish for a cure. But....guilt is another disclosure...another day.

November 13, 2011: I don't remember my life before or without Diabetes.

I wish I did. I mean, I was 16 so I remember fragments of my life. I don't remember being able to wake up and live my life sans finger pricks, needles, pee sticks, pumps, carb counting, etc. etc. etc. Too bad I didn't realize then how lucky and fortunate I was in life so that I would have paid more attention and enjoyed the freedom a little more.

November 14, 2011: My head literally wants to explode and every fiber of my being gets pissed off when someone says 'You can't have that.' or 'You're not supposed to be eating that.' I hide these feelings every time someone thinks they are the food police. So, listen, I can eat whatever I moderation. I'm on an insulin pump.

Hey, hello, Food Police....can it! No one knows better what I can have, when I can have it or how much I can shove into my piehole so put a sock in yours. Have a nice day.

November 15, 2011: My Endo once told me that I was so stubborn that I'd be the one to beat this disease. I secretly hope he's right.

I'll never lose hope. It's what keeps me sane.

November 16, 2011: I believe Diabetes has caused me to have major memory loss. I'd know this is a true statement if I could ever remember to Google it.

I don't remember shit. From yesterday or from 20 years ago. So, don't get offended that I don't remember. Don't take it personally as if your existence has or had little or no meaning. It's not you. It's me.

November 17, 2011: I could totally kill someone....or myself....with one shot.

If I were suicidal or if I wanted to completely remove someone from syringe full of insulin could do it. You know it's true and you know you've also had this thought.

November 18, 2011: I hate that no matter what mood I'm in..good, bad, angry, goofy...someone always asks how my sugar is. It's like Diabetes took my right to be a moody human.

Yes, yes, blah, blah, Diabetics are moody. Most people are. It's called being human. However, maybe I'm just in a bad mood. Maybe you've gone and pissed me off. Maybe I just think something is funny. Maybe I'm just feeling silly. For the sake of the feeling. Not because I'm a Diabetic. You're moody and you're not a Diabetic. Psh.



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