Friday, November 11, 2011

Daily 'D' Disclosures #4-10

Yea, yea. I've been super busy and running behind so my daily disclosures have become weekly ones. So, sorry. Shoot me. I have a life. ;p

November 5, 2011: While your immune system protects your body, my immune system is attacking my body. So, stay away from me if you have a cold. I will catch it faster, it will last longer and it will become more serious.

My immune system is a big pain in the ass. For whatever genetic reason, my immune system has decided to attack and destroy the 'good' in my body, as well as the 'bad' floating around. My body constantly works double time destroying my pancreas, my thyroid, my kidneys, my eyesight, and so on, and so forth. So, it really doesn't have time to waste on bacteria and viruses. Ya know? So, don't breathe around me if you are sick. Thanks.

November 6, 2011: My fingerprints constantly change. Dots, dots, everywhere due to daily testing. Metro told me I would have to be careful if I ever committed a crime because I'd be easy to trace.

My fingerprints are filled with dots from testing my blood sugar. When you live in Las Vegas and work for a casino, you must obtain a Sheriff's card. Simply to ensure that you aren't a criminal who will try to steal all of their jackpots or buffet items. Getting a Sheriff's card requires one to be fingerprinted. The officer laughed, showed me my print and asked 'Are you a Diabetic?' I said 'Yes. How did you know?' He then showed my dot infested print and told me to not break the law. As if I that was my master plan.

November 7, 2011: One of the things Diabetes is attacking is my teeth. This means my teeth are literally falling out. Breaks my heart but I guess it's better than loosing my foot, my eyesight or my kidneys.

People with Diabetes are more likely to have peridontal disease than people without. That sucks. Especially since I have it. My entire life I have been told that the greatest thing about me is my smile. To lose that destroys me. I'm too arrogant to go smacking my gums all over the place! I want implants. I'm too young to have dentures. But, since my health insurance thinks implants are cosmetic, they won't even entertain covering the expense. Not even with my Endo's supporting documentation. Bass turds.

November 8, 2011: I had a boyf break up with me because of my Diabetes. Broke my heart and caused an insecurity about my disease and my relationships.

My daughter was 5 when she called him in the middle of the night. My sugar dropped and I was basically like a paraplegic. I couldn't move my legs and my brain had shut down. He came over, assisted, spent the night on the couch and that was the end of our relationship. It definitely hurt and released some major insecurities about my disease...but it was a good thing. Now I am with a man who is on my team. He's willing to do anything, deal with anything and give anything to make sure I am healthy. I constantly hear him saying that he wishes it were him instead of me and I believe him. I am strong enough for this disease....and so is he. <3 November 9, 2011: Diabetes messes with my personality. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type changes.

I know I am a woman and my personality changes like the breeze but Diabetes really adds some crap. I have mood swings like nobody's business. When my sugar is high. When my sugar is low. It doesn't matter. Becoming mean is part of the process. My friend, Don, who was the first person I have ever known to have Diabetes made up the 'Dr. Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde' thing. He couldn't have been more correct.

November 10, 2011: Yes. Diabetes hurts.

Testing my finger hurts. Every time. When I want to eat, drink, work out, sleep, when I don't feel right, when I'm curious, every time. It hurts. Taking injections hurt. Every time. Putting a pod on every 3 days hurts. Taking the pod off hurts. Waking the pod in the door way hurts. The adhesive itches, rubs my skin raw and hurts. My teeth hurt. Every day. My body hurts. Every day. My mind, my soul, my wishes, my hopes hurt. I hurt others. I hurt myself. I hurt my future generations. Yes. Diabetes hurts.

November 11, 2011: 26 years later, every now and again, I still ask 'Why me?' and still think it's not fair.

There is not a Diabetic alive that hasn't uttered these words or have thought these thoughts. When I was 16, I was so pissed off, angry...hurt, that I would scream these words at the top of my lungs. I would cry myself to sleep at night whispering these words. Why me? I've had assholes say 'karma' but at 16, I hadn't done anything or anyone wrong. I was and still am a good person. I've also had others say because I am strong and can handle this. This is right. I am one of those that can. There are many who would never be strong enough. It isn't fair. It's not fair that I have to suffer while others abuse their healthy bodies with drugs, cigarettes, alcohol. It's not fair that I didn't do this to my body. I didn't create this and certainly didn't invite this in. Nope. I didn't.

But...I will survive...and keep smiling.


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