Every day. Every moment.

I created this blog years ago to bring Type 1 Diabetes awareness to those in and out of my life. I hoped to bring some comfort to others who have been diagnosed with this disease. I hoped to help feel, not only accepted into the Diabetes Community, but to also let others know we are not all the same.  We are not different.  We are not only a chronic disease.

I can't stress enough that while I look normal and healthy on the outside, I have constant turmoil going on inside.

My body is trying to kill itself.  Every moment of every day. This is a reality that lurks in the deep recesses of my mind, heart and soul.  I never give it a voice because it's my worst fear. If I give it a voice, it suddenly becomes a harsh reality that I don't have the energy or desire to deal with. It has the ability to break me...if only momentarily...and it steals my strength.

My boyf went to a Psychologist to get tested for ADHD. During his session, the Dr. asked him questions about his life. Past, present and future. She asked him how he slept and he said he tries to go to bed early with me but then lays there most of the night. They had already talked about me and that I'm a Type 1 Diabetic. So, at this point she said that I needed more sleep than he did because my body's trying to kill itself and that battle is exhausting.

When he came home and told me this, I was smacked in the face with that unspoken fear. Someone said it. Out loud. And not to me....to him. Now he's dealing with a fear that is new for him but old for me. But, as is true with every non-diabetic, he doesn't understand or get the full effect.

But, I do.

My body is killing itself.
Every day.
Every moment.

I am battling an impossible battle.
Every day.
Every moment.

I am exhausted.
Every day.
Every moment.

I am doing the best I can to control an uncontrollable disease.
Every day.
Every moment.

I am frustrated.
Every day.
Every moment.

I have so much more to deal with than the average person.
I have so much more to consider and pay attention to than the average person.
I have so much more pain to handle and so many more moods to feel.
I am a health roller coaster.
Every day.
Every moment.

I'm doing ok.
But I'm still going to lose.
I hate losing.

I also hate when my disease gets a point and I fall behind in the match.

I will do the best I can to live a wonderful life in spite of Type 1 Diabetes.
Every day.
Every moment.
Regardless of the fear.
Every day.
Every moment.

Because that's what we do.
That's what I do.

What I would love for everyone in and out of my life to do is understand and remember that I'm fighting a battle.

Always.